Love... and pain (becoming a Sohneya)

              The woman I love is not the first. It almost never happens: the first love is the last, the woman you fall in love with at a tender age is the one you spend life with. I was hurt worse than some: my first girlfriend, a long-distance relationship, had problems I didn't understand, and she ended up suicidal. When she came back from the deep hole she had fallen into, when I and her family convinced her to keep going, she left me. The same phone call she used to tell me she was living and keeping on living she used to leave me forever. I wasn't ever the same, not for a long time. I tried to date once or twice more, but to no avail: it was too painful. Until one day I stopped looking for love, and found it because I fought so hard against it.

 Her and my story is so similar, and yet so different. So many things almost kept us apart, its legitimately scary. A national competition, known as We The People, brought us together. The first chance happening: both of us almost didn't enter. The class took a lot of time, and I had ballet performances almost at the same time as the state competition in the Capitol city. She almost decided not to. When we did make it to state, my team won by... 1 point. She and I kept working hard for nationals in Washington D.C., and I worked so hard I almost failed a class: no go if you can't pass!! When I worked it with my teacher, I still had a 69.5: exactly enough to pass.
           Skip forward almost a week: we are now at the awards ceremony. The dance afterwards is hoppin, true, but I have a dance partner already and I'm happy: she isn't bad, to say the least. She talks with her team leader, trying to stay longer, and to no avail: I'm now partner-less. Meanwhile my future love is thinking about leaving. She decides to stay on a whim. I look around, trying to find a dance partner, and sure enough, there's a beautiful young lady. Not Serena, but someone I do not know still. I ask for a dance, and her guy comes back with drinks. I disappear from her life forever. Another lady catches my eye: my dearest love. I didn't know it then, i just wanted to dance. We did, and then we talked. and talked and talked and talked. Someone pulled me out of my reverie with a tap on the shoulder. "Hey, you're team is leaving buddy." I bid her goodbye. I suddenly remember: her number. I ask for it, she gives it to me. I ask for a hug, and I get one. As we part, I cannot help myself: I kiss her on the cheek, nothing big, but more than I expected to do. She stands for a second, then says goodbye, and I dash off. A few buds congratulate me on the numbers I've gotten: seven. But to me, the only one that holds promise is one: hers. A few weeks later I tell her I love her. She and I are both scared to death of love: we've had too many painful nights to do it again. But it happens no matter how hard we fight: we naturally talk with each other, confess to each other, and three weeks later she says it... i hear a voice in my ear, saying the most fulfilling words I've ever heard: I love you. I remember those words like they just echoed from my phone.
          Still, we are apart: we both need to finish college, and we both know better than to sacrifice our future together for a temporary present. But we meet, every once in a while, and we enjoy our time apart by talking together as often as possible.
          So the lesson is: follow your instincts, listen to your heart, and you'll find the meaning you're looking for. Trust me: It'll happen so long as you don't let the world distract you. Life happens between plans, so look for it. Make it happen, and take risks. That's how things happen: you have to give them force, and they'll snowball into something you'd never expect.

Sohneya is the Hindi term for Handsome man. It means so much more however: handsome in spirit, word, manner, and deed as well as physical appearance, it's a word used for someone you love deeply, for the one you'd spend your life with. I choose this name not because I believe I deserve it: I don't think I do. But She gave it to me, and I revel in it. A favorite quote will close this post, something a bit long but just as  meaningful.

        "Fall in love or fall in hate. Get inspired or be depressed. Ace a test or flunk a class. Make babies, or make art. Speak the truth or lie and cheat. Dance on the tables or sit in the corner. Life is divine Chaos: embrace it, forgive yourself, breathe, and enjoy the ride." I have only one thing to add: Live and learn, or crash and burn. As Serena put it: learn from your mistakes or live in regret. Remember that always, and follow it. Sohneya out.