Last night, I had so little homework that, before 11 my time, she and I were able to talk. The problem? When I turned on my phone I found she had texted me something along the lines of "hey hon, when should I call? I won't be able to be contacted for a few hours." Oh how lovely to find it had been twenty minutes before. Sure enough, she had left already, and my text was never received. You can see how irritated I might have been. Not at her, but at the situation. Often I look forward to talking to her at night, and sometimes it's really all that keeps me from despairing at my lack of sleep, huge number of essays, math problems, language homework, etc. as well as what I have to do to prepare for college. Ugh. But hearing her voice, or God especially seeing her face, just fixes all of that, wipes it away. It doesn't matter how much I have to do or how little sleep I got or will get, I am doing it all for her, and for that reward I'd do anything, and I mean anything. Now this little tangent is to explain this: now, I have to not talk to her because she's off doing Laundry or something? I will miss my chance to talk to her because I... I missed a text?! That seemed so unfair to me, so very unfair.
This is an example of the first part of today's post: Logic and what you've been asked to do. Ever had someone not get something that seemed so incredibly easy? Something along the lines of "God, its so obvious! You just...." comes out of your mouth and you get frustrated as they keep not getting it. That's what I'm talking about: you just can't seem to see why they can't get it. Last night I wondered why she didn't figure out that I told her "I'll get my work done and text you as soon as I can!" I wasn't angry, I was just... disappointed. But really disappointed, as if I had just gotten grounded the night before prom, after I had hired a Limo, paid for a tux rental, gotten my girlfriend's dad to let her go, and gotten her a ring. But often it does make us angry, it does piss us off like nothing else. Now think back: has anyone gotten mad at you, at one time or another, because they just can't seem to teach you what they're trying to teach? Guess what: thats you on the other side of the same situation. As human beings we have a tendency to put blame on others, but we don't realize sometimes how hypocritical we're being when we do that: if we get mad at the learner, we can't be angry, when we are in their position, at the teacher: after all, it's the learner's fault: they are the ones who can't seem to get it! Instead, we shouldn't place blame, but I can't say that I'm very good at that, and I don't expect anyone else to be, since if I can't then nobody can! (Hubris right there, for you literary buffs, for others, its called pride, and a lot of it) Anyway, remember that, and thats the main point.
Now to Logic: its our logic that gets in our way: we don't see the logical progression: we just don't see how if you know the direction a subatomic particle is moving we can't know its position, or if we know its position, we can't know its direction. Thats simple to some of us, but to others it seems to stupid and fake we wonder why Heisenberg is such a big name in physics. And other things, much simpler, fit in that example: we just don't see it. No as to intuition: that part of us that says something we couldn't have thought of. The little voice that all of a sudden, while we're doing something, anything, or doing nothing even, waltzes up and says "hey, I got an idea you don't! Listen...." and whispers in your ear what it thinks might work. That part of her kept me from going to bed last night without saying "I love you:" she felt like she needed to call me and she did, and I was happy. But what told her to call me? What tells me the answer I'm looking for when I've sat, staring at a paper filled with failed math, or scattered words that failed to make a poem because they're too shy to dance with each other? Its called intuition, and its so mysterious we don't know what it is. I'll have an entire entry on it eventually, I think, but I'll just summarize it here: its something, a mix of strange and vague parts of you, that gives you an answer you never could have gotten yourself.
Thank you all for listening, for letting me speak my mind, and I'll talk to y'all next time. Until then, remember: keep your eyes open to life.
Thank you all for listening, for letting me speak my mind, and I'll talk to y'all next time. Until then, remember: keep your eyes open to life.
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